Definition I liked

"life experience" — i.e., "time spent in involuntary biological persistence"

This from blog "The War on Mediocrity" at http://colinmarshall.livejournal.com/.

Funny, Life

So I have rehearsal every night this week, occasionally two at once, and my assessment starts being due at the end of the week. Feel relatively good about my "All environmental issues are political: discuss". I waffle on about Foucault which is great fun, but I still need to get examples and for examples I need to do more research. I wrote a serviceable introduction today for the essay on why geographers should read Times Square Red, Times Square Blue, a book about the gentrification of Times Square/how the author likes to suck homeless people off in porn theatres. I really disliked the author and writing style, but it was certainly the most unusal book I've been assigned here. The third essay, on AIDS, I've yet to start. It just feels too broad: we have a few pages of obvious, non-related statistics, and using them and outside research are meant to link poverty, prostitution, education, and orphanhood in the context of AIDS to sustainable development in Nigeria.

Rehearsals have been going *okay*. I am feeling really disillusioned with acting, as if it was some sort of training or skill-building that was incredibly relevant for my high school life but whose importance lessens with every year that goes by. I don't know if I want to audition for stuff next semester, but have a fear that if I don't I will be casting about aimlessly with ways to fill my non-academic time.

This all sounds terribly mopey, but it isn't really. I am enjoying this time, learning and just thinking a lot. Have started thinking about the future a wee bit, weird as that is. Want to do more with Spanish, I suppose as its one of the few practical real-world 'skills' that 14 years of education has given me. I realise that I think a lot about/in terms of the summer between first and second year in Costa Rica because of language development and manual labour. I'm interested in exploring the WWOOF-ing network, which is sort of like couchsurfing but is specifically for farms. The idea is that you join the site for a small fee (for a year), and then travel around approved farms wherever you like, doing work in exchange for a bed and food. If I want to be back in Scotland for the Fringe, WWOOF-ing around England/Spain could be a cool way to spend a month of summer. All just thoughts though.

Like, regular updates? OMG

Saved! Discovered I hadn't been looking at the first week of December when seeing what I need to do for essays, so I have a full week more than I thought I did! I can use this time to do stuff like actually doing research and writing credible academic essays rather than waffling soggily. So that's fun. I have actually regained a lot of my drive and am doing lots of reading, which is cool. I do think I have a chip on my shoulder in the stuff that St Andrews asks us to do, and it's this: we are asked to produce academic material.

That's all. Now, Brian, you say, this is great! This is what you should be doing in university! Universities in the US would kill to have every sentence properly cited and referenced, this is why British universities seem competitive for students, the standard of work that they put out is often academically better because of research and reproduction. Here's the problem with this model: it is just reproduction. A focus on brevity is fantastic, a focus on correct research is great. But put the two together and you end up producing a lot of well-cited parroting of everything that has come before. Even this is not a bad thing, except for the fact that it encourages students to read and unquestioningly accept arguments--or, if they don't accept them, to argue them *in the terms* already laid out for them. US institutions maybe focus too much on the touchy-feely "how does this relate to you and make you feel" of their subjects (I wouldn't know), but here I am beginning to feel that the lack of discussion in classrooms is partly from a lack of critical engagement with the material, 'engagement' and not 'critical' being the operative word. Only in Urban Cultural Geography do people really speak up in lectures, and that's because the professor makes words his statements in incendiary ways so that students *have* to react, saying things like 'women come to university to find eligible mates' and 'walking down the street with a child is a heteronormative sexual act'. I guess what I'm saying is that I think this is kind of cool. I want to have opinions and take stances, whether they appear in academic publications or not. I was thinking about this when reading an article on the preference for formal science over 'local knowledge' or 'experience' or 'wisdom' or whatever you want to call it and the problems that this can create. It led me to think, "all of us have local knowledge, being inhabitants of the world, and this ought to count for something". I hear about people doing literature reviews for their dissertations and it makes me really sad--it's not productive or active, it's reactive. Though maybe that is all of academia. And it's probably not a bad thing, per se. I say this all without having done my research, of course--I'd appreciate thoughts and feedback.

The rest of life, yennow, goes on. I have been focused mainly on academics and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, though still thinking about my devised piece, the second rehearsal for which is this coming Wednesday. I am feeling the end of the semester coming on and the idea that there is not enough time to do ANYTHING, let alone everything. I think I need to start picking my battles, but it's hard when you just want to fight everyone.

A blog? Oh dear, what's this?

Hmmm. So it's been a while. I was out of a bloggy stage. I may be back into it...though probably not, let's be honest. For today, at least, I am.

Working with mixed success (mixed meaning, 'mixed with watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer') on 3 projects: A statistical analysis of AIDS vs education vs opinion in Africa as it relates to sustainability (yes, whatever that may mean), a fairly staightforward-if-a-bit-broad essay for Political Ecology: "All environmental issues are political issues--discuss", and an academic book review of a book about porn theatres in Times Square. Because why not!

I've cast my new show, a devised piece we will workshop into existence from the sentence, "this is the story of a small girl pursued by a strange wind", with one of the best casts I've had so far, all girls, half with dancing or acrobatic training and at least half hardcore intellectuals. It's kinda intimidating, but I am very much looking forward to it. We have our first rehearsal tonight.

On the social side, last week was Raisin weekend, and as a third year this year I had academic kids and threw a fuck-off party for them, which is the first big party-party I've had or really gone all-out for this year. Last night was more pleasant, if anything--I went to a friend's thanksgiving bash, which a very calm and insanely delicious dinner-party sort of thing, with the freedom of movement and size of a party-party.

I have been in an odd place this week and so haven't been productive in any way or particularly in any area, but with the realisation of my 3 deadlines fast approaching I am starting to crack down and get to work. Or I would be if I wasn't blogging!

Thoughts are taken up by a range of things. My Urban Cultural Geography class is fantastic, and reading Foucoult and thinking about poststructuralism is giving me a good overlay of academic thought about life etc, thinking about systems, agency and power in everyday life. I've been spending a lot of time and having good chats with Ben...and realizing, I think, the categories of 'best friends' that I need. This is just occurring to me, so bear with me. I need the quasi-intellectual, the person who analyses and intellectualizes every situation (though usually without a formal academic framework) and with whom I can trade impressions of people and behaviour. Then I need a theatre/art friend (or a few) to bounce ideas off of and to magnify creative thought. Next, I need a 'fun' friend, someone that I just *like* and have fun spending time with, regardless of context or content. Finally, I need a 'confidant' friend, whose definition is pretty self-explanatory. I think this is roughly the structure of friendship I had in high school, and it is starting to repeat here, though of course in a somewhat different form--multiple people for one role, a single for others.

I have been horribly disconnected from the outside world at large, both news and friends and family. Part of this has been inconsistent computer/internet access, though most has just been me. I feel the need to have a few hermit days where I just read followed by re-connecting with the outside world with fresh eyes coming on.

I have my laptop back, after its third breakdown in which physical parts had to be replaced. Not getting a mac again. Posts may be more frequent (ie may happen at all) now. May.

Thoreau excerpts ripped off from another blog:

An update, even a plagiarized update, is better than nothing!


"I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

(What is interesting in this account of what it is to "live deep" is that it seems to advocate narrowing and simplifying life in order to truly experience it rather than attempting to live a broad and varied life (though cutting a "broad swath" is just this, it goes on to "shave close"). The fullest life, therefore, is one of simplicity and discipline. The idea of reducing something to its "lowest terms" is something I'm thinking a lot right now, especially in art and theatre but also in life.)


"We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war."

(Okay, I really just like the old musty cheese metaphor! But really, the idea that we meet at short intervals sticks out to me and I think this is why I find living with people so fascinating--they become perhaps less interesting, but more honest in a fundamental way. The wittiest, most charming lives full of adventure are still things of monotony 99% of the time. The idea that lengthy time apart allows us to "acquire...new value for each other" is something I feel like I'm a test subject for. Certainly a lengthy time apart from my old friends has changed my relationship with them, although I think that since we are all of an age when we are changing daily my interactions may be changing because of this rather than because of time apart to ferment new value. Certainly I have become closer to some and drifted from others. In the end I guess, like all pithy statements, this one captures the human condition better than most: imperfectly.)

post-Korea

Just a quick update. Not much is going on in my life right now, the most exciting thing being workshops (Cheolseung style) with Clare, Holly, Conner Murphy (last time), and this time Louie and a friend of Holly's observing and taking pictures. We've been playing with adapting poetry from Mirabai, a 16th century Indian ecstatic poet. More to come

All hail couchsurfing

Couchsurfing during this trip has proved to be a great experience. I have a feeling that the world is shrinking (globalisation, the internet, etc) around each one of us like cellophane, closing us off from one another in our own private bubbles. I am glad to see that it can have the opposite effect as well.

Imagine spending three solid days, including 12 hours in the car, with a guy you'd met less than a week before (and that through being his temporary roomate) and with whom you barely shared a language. We traversed most of Korea, North to South, going to Busan, mostly communicating by sharing food and music. It is a beautiful country, with 40% of the population living in Seoul and most of the rest gathered around urban centres, the majority of the country is mountainous forest, protected as natural park or simply not that useful for humans. In Busan we met with a friend of Jae Moon from his army days named Byong Sung and the guy's Canadian-Australian girlfriend. Both were huge surfers, and we got up at 5am both days we spent with them to go surfing with a few Korean guys. I am astounded again and again by how many Koreans at least understand English, even if they are too shy to speak it, but of course surfing (or, in my case, floundering-with-board) doesn't require a great deal of language. On the first day after surfing Jae Moon and I had brunch and then went out on his jet ski. Like, a real deal jet ski. Only when I complained that my legs were tired (mostly from quaking, partly from trying to keep my balance as I careened over the tiniest waves) did my friend even reveal that the thing had a fold-out seat. Turns out this guy was a competitive motorcycle racer when he was at university--makes sense. I must confess that adrenaline is not really my drug of choice (the whole risk-life-and-limb thing or something) but jet-skiing was an exhilarating new experience. We stayed around the next morning to surf again and clean the ski before starting the long journey back to Seoul. On the way we visited the grave site of the ex-president of Korea, who committed suicide late in May following corruption charges in order to save face. Jae Moon is very politically active in protests and such, and is wildly against the current president, who he sees as coming down too strongly in favour of Western attitudes (yay rich people!) and social control, to the detriment of the average Korean. The old president he viewed as almost a Princess Diana figure, a social champion who was hounded to death by the media.

I am left with a lot of jostling impressions from my trip. First, the Korean sense of hospitality. We spent a lot of time in the jet-ski garage (prime tourist place, I'm sure), and between the employees and customers there and Byong Sung, I don't I payed for a single meal the entire time we were in Busan--all food was eaten communally, and one person always "treated". There is an expectation of reciprocity with the Koreans I imagine, and as a foreigner I at least added some novelty. In such a small and insular country, it is perfectly reasonable to expect that everyone will see each other again and a new person can treat every time. I've been to a few garages with Jae Moon and at each one we are at least given drinks, if not more, with the expectation that we will stay for at least an hour and chat (or, in my case, be chatted about). And Jae Moon's hospitality especially has impressed me--from sharing his 1-room apartment to his trip and all his fancy gear. To be sure, he is taking a year off and therefore in between things and probably bored, but it still seems amazing--we treat our close relatives much worse.

In some ways, when meeting Koreans I think being twenty (22 Korean age--you are 1 when you're born and birthdays follow the lunar calendar) has its advantages, in that it makes me a non-entity. If I were Korean, I would just be finishing my military service and starting university. Childhood is extended here differently from other countries, as people are expected to live with their parents until they are married (sometime before 30), or else live communally in barracks or dorms. After Koreans ask my age they are usually fairly content that they have a decent picture of my life--in Korea, people's paths don't really begin splitting until they finish university in their mid-late twenties, so knowing that a person is 20/22 gives a decent picture of their life.

What else? I'm back with my German host (he teaches German, not English, to clarify--apparently under the Japanese occupation German was mandatory and it remains a big language here, especially as most of their legal system is based on German law), and we've got a second couchsurfer from China coming in tomorrow, which should be interesting. I finished Camus' "The Fall" and found it illuminating and disturbing in that seems to completely fulfill its project: the judge-truly, fairly, and finding fault-all of mankind, while at the same time holding true to its speaker's assertion that memoirs and confessions always seek to hide more truth than they reveal. Because it hid rather than revealing and simply ended rather than resolving I found it incredibly true and honest but unsatisfactory because of it.

I am thinking of coming back on Sunday, praying that it being Sunday will keep crowds down. I'm really looking forward to coming back to LA, even just for a month, and enjoying the end of summer. If nothing else, spending all of my time with 25-40 year olds in Korea has made me less scared of being twenty.

Korea Korea Korea

I'm going to Busan in the south of [South] Korea tomorrow with my last couchsurfing host for a couple of days of surfing and jet-skiing that promise to be just as terrifying and cool and motorcycling around Seoul. The last few days have been great, went to the Korean sauna (jim-je-ban) with Cheolseung again and had dinner at his house, and have been going out with my current couchsurfing host, a German professor from Germany.

So, there won't be any updates for a couple of days, but I'm sure I'll be having an amazing experience. Because of when I'm going I won't come to LA on Thursday but instead wait until the weekend or the beginning of next week to come back. For-sure plans in Korea from now: Busan Mon-Wed for the beach and watersports, Cheolseung workshop on Thursday, and a party on Friday. Woot.

Colliding with Koreans

Is what I did at Cheolseung's workshop today. He gets some amazing physicality out of his actors, starting to work on Camus' "The Stranger". Its sad that I'm just starting to get comfortable with all of his actors and only have a few workshops to go, they are fantastic people. We all went out for Korean beer and wings after the workshop.

Today was a pretty relaxed day, caught up on Weeds, worked on my comic book (I'm on page 20! counting title pages, and only have one blank sheet left--oops! Well, finishing volume 2.), and went to a dog cafe! Yes, a dog cafe. Brilliant idea, perfect for an urban area with cramped living space. The cafe has probably 20 dogs of all sizes and breeds roaming around--under tables, on couches, ON tables. All friendly and well behaved, and you can buy them treats along with your coffee. Apparently there is also a cat cafe in Seoul.

Am moving to a new couchsurfer tomorrow, another English teacher but he's from Germany. My current host is going to Busan on the south coast next week to surf and has invited me along, which is an offer I'm thinking may be too good to refuse...we'll see! (and yes, this is the guy with the motorcycle).

Inwangsan Shamanist Shrine

Hah it feels like I went just so I'd be able to title a post that. Got a bit out of Seoul to one of the mountains and wandered around in nature seeing Buddhist/shamanist stuff (the difference seemed negligible to me--there was a temple at the base and if you'd've told me it was all Buddhist I'd have believed it). Lots of very cool stuff, mostly gigantic rocks carved into fantastic shapes just by wind and rain. Good to be out in nature after a while in the city. Went by myself and had good thinking/drawing times. Did the whole thing in flip flops, which unfortunately means my feet are now killing me. Ah well, live and learn. Workshop with Cheolseung again tonight, which should be fun.

Oooh also

saw Harry Potter! (in English, with Korean subtitles). The 6th was my least favourite book, so its kinda unsurprising that I think this was my favourite film. Visually more beautiful than the preceding films, it was tighter and more focused than the book. Excellent acting helped, with really good supporting characters. Of course it didn't work "just as a film" but I feel like this one really found the sweet spot between making a good film with some original content and making a movie for the fans.

Excerpt

from life:

In Korea, the first question people ask after your name is age, not "what do you do?" (aka career) as in the US. I thought this was just because of the culture of age hierarchy, but turns out it runs deeper than that. Talking to a friend who teaches English to Koreans says that they need to know age (aka their status relationship to the person) to even conjugate verbs in Korean. That shit runs deep.

Whew

How can I possibly update on everything? Staying with a very cool couchsurfer--had my first ride on a motorcycle (gulp- Korean drivers), watched a couple plays in Korean (one a very physical traditional-Korean-theatre-inspired adaptation of Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream that was good fun if not intellectually stimulating), a drum circle (couchsurfers are hippies! there is nothing more to say.), Korean library (with its own restaurant, vending machines, and a charity shop inside!), Korean sauna (a bizarrely intellectual exercise...made me think a lot about Western cultural norms around nudity, ritual, homophobia, cleanliness, and childhood [parents accompany young children, but only to make sure they're scrubbing hard enough!]). Have just had a far-too-large dinner at Cheolseung's house and am recovering slowly.

So, yeah, talking about Korea...

KOREA. A different experience from China and Japan, of course, as expected--culturally and in mode of travel. China was experiencing a country as part of an entourage, seeing what the government wanted not us but Virginia to see, and talking to a lot of students as they were the ones that could speak English. Japan was a family vacation in every sense of the word.

Korea as of right now I'm experiencing in two facets: first, couchsurfing--in this case, with a half-Korean English teacher who is friends with a lot of the ex-pat and foreign exchange student community, and in this it is actually a lot like visiting Shawn in Egypt and Jordan. Having Cheolseung here makes a huge difference, however, and I've been spending the most time with him. Yesterday I joined his Korean actors for a workshop--absolute trip. He gave all direction in Korean except for direction that was explicitly for me, and all the lines except for mine were in Korean, so that I was acting and reacting with only somewhat known stimulus. Because of the extreme physicality and tension created by silence rather than words it absolutely worked, and all of the actors have at least a very basic level of English proficiency so I'm sure they understood most of what I said. I've proposed two things to Cheolseung to try as challanges: first, making me act in Korean, so that I have lines that I repeat phonetically but have no idea what they mean, trying to make relationships and scenes despite being a foreigner even to the language that I am speaking. And second, having me act in Spanish so that all of them have just as little idea of what I am saying as I have of their words. Both seem like really interesting theatrical experiments in terms of isolation and communication.

Today was a Korean "luck day" (what does that mean? beyond "we eat chicken soup" I have NO idea) so I went out for dinner/meeting/drinks with Cheolseung's actors. My relationship with them reminds me somewhat of my relationship with the Three Chairs Theatre Company--most of them are in their late 20s and early 30s, professional working actors with side jobs who give me a lot to think about in terms of acting and the whole "life--what happens next?" conundrum. Dinner was mostly in Korean with me just trying to figure out basic emotions and relationships from hand gestures and expressions. After dinner we had coffee and went to a room in the theatre school to hang out and have a meeting, and we got more comfortable. I am consistently amazed by the level of English here. I think people hate to use it in the same way that I fought Spanish (mandatory school subject etc etc) but when forced to have very good comprehension and often good speaking ability. After the meeting we went out for some drinks at a local pub, which of course was good social lubricant. Language trembles in the presence of alcohol.

And now? I'm back at the house of my couchsurfing host. I'm looking to move on from this place (it's been lovely, but will be a week soon and that becomes a burden on the host) and looking at options--there is a cheap hostel nearby, as well as other couchsurfers. There are also saunas in Korea that offer the works (steam/massage/etc) as well as places to sleep overnight, so I'll definitely try that out. There is also something called "Temple Stay"--essentially staying in a Buddhist temple for a few days and living exactly as a monk, which sounds utterly terrifying and kind of cool. I have a very Jack Kerouac feeling of homelessness that is both scary and oddly comforting in its "I don't know where I'll be or what I'll do tomorrow"-ness.

Not dead

As per title.

Got to Korea (from Japan) fine--couldn't get the 5pm flight because it was a Korean Air codeshare and they're not oneworld, but ended up getting on a 6.20 flight fine. Talked to a cool korean guy on the airplane who is coming back from school in Canada and offered his place if I wanted to stay, or to go do something. So that's cool.

Cheolseung met me at the bus station, and we went to meet my couchsurfing host (Maria) and her friends and went out to a bar, then back to hers and to sleep.

Too long

China blocks blogspot so it's only now, in Japan, that I've got access again. The last week-and-a-half has been great and eye opening and blah blah blah as traveling should be. I'll try to fill in the gaps and be thoughtful and stuff, but for now I think I'll open with some humor.

Outside Tokyo in the city of Kamakura we visited a Buddhist shrine with a giant (like 70-foot-tall) metal Buddha (new Transformers character?), and looking at the hands in the some (probably lotus) position I thought "Buddha throwing gang signs...why has this not been drawn before?" This is therefore my mission and I will try to upload Buddha throwing a Bloods sign soon. Just too ironic to miss. Meanwhile, a series of possible captions:

"Pretty fly for an enlightened guy"
"Buddhas in da hood"
"B-unit"

and, best for last:

"Buddhacris".

10 points to anyone who gets all of these.

Erm, hello there internet

It's...been a while. Um. How have you been? How are the....kids? They're fine? We'll, that's fine. I'm fine too.

Been home a week and a half. Good results on exams ("all that studying" clearly paid off :) ) and a good flight home, so that's all dandy. Lots of beach times, lots of good times, a little boredom for spice. The usual, really. So, skipping the last couple weeks, here is TODAY:

Mom wakes me up for gyros at noon. Life is good. After that finished Voltaire's Candide, which was just a fun, good read. Interesting after having done a bit of Modern European philosophy this year, since its a satire of the idea of cause and effect and the idea that a perfect God must have created the best of all possible worlds. My favourite passage is in the first chapter, a wonderful description of sex:

"One day Cunegonde was walking near the house in a little coppice, called 'the park', when she saw Dr. Pangloss behind some bushes giving a lesson in experimental physics to her mother's waiting-woman, a pretty little brunette who seemed eminently teachable. Since Lady Cunegonde took a great interest in science, she watched the experiments being repeated with breathless fascination. She saw clearly the Doctor's 'sufficient reason', and took note of cause and effect. Then, in a disturbed and thoughtful state of mind, she returned home filled with a desire for learning, and fancied that she could reason equally well with young Candide and he with her."

The close second to this is that same Doctor's description of how his STD can be traced back to Colombus' discovery of the New World and therefore must be a good, because had it not been brought back to Europe we would not have chocolate either. There is a wonderful economy of words, partly, surely, because it is comedy, but it is something I think I can learn from.

Later in the afternoon, Mom and I went to see Pixar's "Up", a great film about a cantankerous old man who turns his house into a blimp and finally goes on adventures. It's quirky with a great eye for detail and comedy and at the same time really touching. I think all of these are aided by the fact that it is made as a children story but with the crabby antagonist as protagonist, taking the time to understand his motivation and really get a sense of the good in him and the dreams he is finally realizing--or not. It's a film about loyalty and friendship and courage and the usual, but also about age and dreams--the ones we have, the ones we had, the ones we finally prioritize and realise, the ones thrust on us, and the ones we have to give up. Heavy stuff for a kid's film. I'd definitely see it again, as I'm not sure I was able to process everything that was going on in one viewing.

The night was capped off with dinner with the Narrie family and going to go see "Our Town" at the Actor's Gang. Three acts and as many hours long, the first act could really have been cut without losing much and the third was visually stunning but cliched--the second was the only place where the characters felt really human and connected. But they definitely connected, and I'd say the play all-in-all was a success. Again a lot about growing up and expectations, what we want and what we get in life. It was more serious than I anticipated (a good thing), though still with a heavy dose of comedy.

And next week I turn twenty. So the themes of all of the good art I 'consumed' today are very much on my mind. Its scary. A fair number of people I knew in High School are leaving university, some are having kids, and I just generally feel my entrance into a more adult world. Part of it is nice--I don't feel like I'm 'trying' anymore, I'm just doing. But that also implies a lack of safety blanket; you can always 'try' again, but once you do something it is done. Also thinking a bit about art and artists--today certainly I felt that the people I interacted with (in an entirely one-way sense) first and foremost were artists. Bookmakers, movie theatre attendants, road builders, car builders, bankers, politicians, etc ("the machinery") were all, of course, necessary, but they were part of a means to an end that was art (or, let's take it broadly, 'culture', whatever the hell that means). Is the artist also part of the 'means'? Sure. But if the 'end'--the purpose, the goal, or just "that thing that takes up most of my time"--is some form of art or storytelling, I think that re-casts my perspective of the artists role in society. Rather than lampreys on society that provide an 'other' to banking and bussing every once in a while, something not really needed but kind of nice, they take a central role. If life is about stories and people are social animals, artists are both creating a context or backdrop for life to be carried out in or in front of, and providing a necessary good that in the end is as essential as food. This view of art is a delusion that I think it may be helpful to carry into the future!

Lazy Sunday

Have had a highly entertaining weekend. Saturday we had a Diplomacy (boardgame) party, with an interesting mix of theatre and annexe friends, ending in a Russian (me)/Turkish biumverate ruling Europe following English and Italian surrender in 1907. Great fun, and especially worthwhile for talking to people I respect artistically: an actor from 1984/Psychosis who brought up the idea of trying to adapt a graphic novel for the stage ages ago and who I'm trying to convince to go through with it, and an actress from Hecuba who is a brilliant writer that I'm offering to work with doing illustrations for a comic of our own. Should be meeting with both of them today!

This was followed by going to our house to film a video for Harry (co-director from Psychosis) on my computer for an ARG (alternative reality game) he's involved in about online dating...for robots. You can check out MustLoveRobots or RobotFriendFinder if you're *really* interested--they're mildly amusing.

The next day (Sunday), I golfed in St Andrews for the first time! Well, mini-golfed. Had an extremely random invitation from a 4th year who is trying to do everything in St Andrews she hasn't done before she leaves, and so four of us went and had a few drinks and went out in the sun to piss about with golf clubs and be insulted by middle-aged Americans and their children whose education in the One True Path Of Golf we were doubtless obstructing laughing, hitting multiple balls/hitting balls between our legs/aiming for the wrong flags, and generally not acting as if Golf was an accurate measure of our self-worth and possibility for success later in life. It was great fun. Went back to study and then to a dinner party with some of the same group and their friends. Again, a good time, complete with after-dinner charades and guitar hero.

Today is a buckle-down-and-study day, in anticipation of being done with exams for another 7 months or so following tomorrow. I have been delaying revising Kant, so that'll be like pulling teeth.

As for the change in blog layout--I highly recommend it. Very effective procrastination tool!

SD exam

Had my SD exam at 2 yesterday--it went well, I thought, though the questions were all very vague so my approach was basically just "get indignant and rant", which will hopefully be effective. One of the questions was about Easter Island, which was only mentioned in a single lecture, but made me very smug. I mentioned that it smelled like horse.

Read the first Neil Gaiman's "Sandman", another adult-ish comic book. The artistry of some of it takes me aback, and its an fun premise--the main character is essentially the god of dreams, with all sorts of other weird and quirky characters, including a jealous Lucifer, a deranged super-villain, and a perky, punk-goth Death.

Also returning to an idea I had yesterday, thinking about doing a children's story as my main drama project next year, trying to do stuff with costumes/puppets/set as much as possible. I've had a look at "Where The Wild Things Are", since it's badass, and really love the idea of doing that....the story as read is about six minutes and, of course, very simple, but with some good physical storytelling creating personalities for each monster I think I could stretch it to 40 minutes or so. Would also be a great town-gown show, with a kid and possibly an older person as a storyteller and, of course, students as the monsters (hah!). Could do a lot of cool stuff, though I'd want to get a few artists to work on extensive set bits and Lion King-style costumes. It's certainly an idea!

Finally, a link: http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/161682/detail/ . He is so flipping [boo bad pun] cool.

Exams=adventure?

Had my first exam today, and it went really well. World Religions, quite general questions and absolutely confirmed to me that I can remember anything if I read it before bed and then just before the exam. I had dates, mo'fucka!

Had a few beers to celebrate (keep in mind--exam got out at 11.30) and lounged about for a while before going back home to study a bit for Sustainable Development tomorrow. Had enough of that, and went on a long aimless walk with Anne (a partner in procrastination), where we ended up at a university dump--fantastic! It was all piles of rubble, lines on eerie lines of microwaves, stoves, and fridges from halls, and old battered physics equipment (including a crate that said "lazer" on the side!). But the peak of it all was a skip filled with boxes of books--course requirements from other universities (before they had the internet!), PhD dissertations (so that's where they go...), and copies of New Scientist dating back to the early 80's, with some awesome Cold War stuff going on. Played in the books for a good hour before heading back, laughing elatedly in the street much to the unsettlement of passers by. Headed home for further revision.

Finished The Dharma Bums, which I enjoyed immensely (much more than On The Road) and which I swear helped with my Buddhism essay, for better or for worse. It made me really want to go camping, or at least walk on the fire trails around LA--'real' nature doesn't really exist here, its all manicured through the centuries of human interaction.

Home seems to be coming up fast and hard--this weekend is a party weekend, then another day to study and one last exam, and then I'm all done. I'll probably stay for a day or two afterward to soak up the people while I can and figure out where the hell I'm going to put my stuff, and then hop on the plane. I intend to make the most of these last few days, though.

Ah the joys of the posh and English in summer! Yesterday (summer) was fantastic, in the sense that it was good and slightly unreal. Went for breakfast with a group of friends as always, and a walk on the beach afterward, as sometimes happens on a nice day. Then, in the further interest of procrastination, had the most stereotypically Engish picnic ever in one of the guys' back yards: scones, cream, jam, tea, ginger beer, champagne. Then another long walk by a stream along some of the parks in St Andrews, complete with dicking around on the playground. After this I went home and had a nap (it's hard work!), ate dinner, and got a call to go on another walk with another friend. That was my Sunday: zero studying, zero worrying about studying, lots of outside time. It was awesome.

Revision now is really odd-I've had practically 2 weeks to prepare for 3 exams (7 hours), which has led to me being slack-tastic.

More grey days

Lots of people have their first exams today so tonight there's a barbecue and some pub-age, which will be a welcome change. Yesterday spent the whole day in my pajamas. Still reading Dharma Bums, and finding it wonderfully escapist. It really makes me want to go camping. Still revising at a rate of a few pages per day. Writing a little bit, but only a very little. Thinking about theatre for next year, but drawing an absolute blank. I was looking into Nightmare Before Christmas, but rights become too much of a hassle. They are putting on Rent next semester, which should be fun. I re-read my adaptation of 1984 this morning and thought more about devising pieces. I think the only problem with it is that I end up with a similar flavour or tone with the Cheolseung method of devising stuff, which is really good but not for everything. Might be fun to do a Sam Shepard play or something, see what I can do with the cowboy American image that Brits love. I don't know. I definitely need this summer to re-invigorate me.

And exams still seem ages away...

Grey sky

Revision for the first few weeks of Sustainable Development. Sitting next to the window reading Kerouac's "The Dharma Bums" and drinking tea. Counting that as revision, since "Dharma Bums" at least mentions Buddhism....It's nice actually, as Kerouac I feel like really talks about enjoying life and being dissatisfied with it at the same time. I don't think I really got it last year when I read "On the Road", but certainly feel like I do more now.

Bought a mango and realised today that I need to eat it before it goes off. Cut it up, but that just made it more evident how much there was. I had some canned peaches and mixed them, with a sort of smoothie in mind, but we don't have a blender...then hit on the idea of cobbler. Put it all in a pan with some rasins and cinnamon. But wait, cobbler requires pastry...made some french toast, cut it up, and put it in. Not bad! Way more than I could eat, still...

Have thought lately a lot about how I miss interacting with people who aren't in the 18-28 age range. I think there is an implicit value in interacting with people who have been through what you are going through and figured life out a bit more, or can at least show you the options going forward. I think I've been incredibly lucky through my life in interacting with people from all sorts of generations, and that alone may be reason enough to look for a job in addition to school next year. The best cure for existential angst may just be someone a bit older saying, "yeah, get over it", by example if not in words.

My shoes have broken and I'm cycling between steel-toed boots, nice shoes, and slippers. I have a few zombie films to watch. But I am a bit bored.

Calm days

The unintended (nice) result of revision week (no lectures to study) is that it lets you go on long walks and catch up with people in way you can't during the busy year. And to get some closure from the year, I guess. Which is what I did yesterday.

Today, I went and watched the new StarTrek film. Not bad, though really nothing special. I like the new cast and will be interested to see where it goes from here, but the origin story itself felt obligatory and forced. Entertaining enough I suppose, though I prefer the onion article about it at http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film?utm_source=a-section .

Party weekend

Finished up Godspell last night and went to two drama parties--one held by my co-director for Psychosis (who is graduating this year and held this as a "everyone from all shows" party) and the afterparty for Godspell. Fun stuff. The end of shows always makes me a bit sad, because it's a group of people you know will never come together again, and often here you end up really starting to get to know people only as the show closes. But good fun.

This week is revision week, though my first exam isn't until the 21st, so I have about two weeks to study for 3 tests...or to read, surf the internet, tie up loose ends, and watch films! Also good time to buckle down and figure out what's going on this summer...any suggestions of interesting internships/jobs/experiences?

Changed my honours to SD officially today

I like the sound of the coming year. With Philosophy I'd have been looking at philosophy of language, creativity, mind, and value--all interesting, but only 4 classes a week and all philosophy at that felt a bit funny. With SD, I'm keeping the philosophy value and normatively module, but also doing two biology ones (field work and ecosystems), two SD ones (case studies and a review essay on a topic of my choice), and two geography ones (urban geography and people with an awesome professor, and political ecology with a philosopher-go figure). Sounds fun and exciting and new, so I'm stoked for that. Doing the same thing as this year with 50 credits in the first semester and 70 in the second, but as 20 of those are from the review essay it should be okay.

Also talking quite seriously about creating ZAPS, the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Society, for next year--doing film screenings, games of zombie-tag, zombie-related lectures (factual [philosophical zombies, death in different cultures, diseases that change personality, etc] and fictional). Good fun. Also thinking about drama for next year, of course...and work, since I won't be doing ambassadoring again as they're changing the format so it functions more like a real job (regular, non-negotiable hours) and I've gotten a bit bored of it.

Aaaaaand this summer. Still need to talk more with Cheolseung, still need tickets from London to LA. But focusing on exams short term and then the long term, so need to give that a bit more thought.

rutted

Just sort of...about. In a bit of a rut, I think, though this week should change that. Godspell goes up through the second half, so I'll have plenty to do. My final essay was in last Friday, and I did it in a record-breaking book-in-a-day essay-in-four-hours, but am well pleased with the final result. It's a book review for divinity, even if it is worth 25%, just not that difficult. One more assignment for SD next week, and then done until exams.

Deep metaphysical speculations: maybe later.

Universitas

St Andrews, I understand you not.

Decided on an essay topic for World Religions that is essentially a book analysis. Our library has exactly four copies of said book, so the internet will be my friend.

Did pre-advising for Philosophy, where I confirmed that I cannot have a degree that mentions "Philosophy" and "Sustainable Development" in the same breath. It simply cannot be done, and this is how it has always been done, and so shall it be done henceforth.

And got a 19 (of 20, meaning "almost perfect") on my social audit for SD--the 10,000 word monstrosity I birthed in four days. First of all, thank you dad!, but it also makes me wonder about my work here and just gives the feeling that the amount of time I put into something is in no way proportional to the grade I get. Not that I haven't always known that, so maybe this is just figuring out how to game this new system? I am happy about it and it just more firmly makes me want to go on with SD, albeit with the continued feeling that academics (here) is a bit of a joke. But with devious plans to get an SD degree and do a play as my dissertation...

Jew

We're doing a section on Judaism in World Religions and just had a tutorial that made me think a lot. Mostly because I didn't speak in it--which was part of what I thought about. To explain:

There was one guy in the tutorial, an American, of course, who early on made an answer with reference to having a lot of Jewish friends. He immediately became the tutorial's authority on all things Jew, which was interesting, as a few people in the tutorial specifically mentioned not knowing any jews. The tutorial was ostensibly about the film Everything is Illuminated, which I hadn't seen, but is about an American jew tracing his history back past the Holocaust. I say "ostensibly" because Divinity tutorials like to be warm and fuzzy and get people talking about how things like "heritage" and "the past" are important to them. This tutorial meets only once every other week so I there wasn't a kind of rapport where I could jump in with links to Judaism and the Holocaust, especially because I have conflicted feelings about both. This naturally segued into me trying to figure out in my head what my feelings were.

Most of my religious/family education comes from my Dad, I think because they play a larger part in his identity (being something to grow from, not something to grow away from, as I think they are for Mom), and because the holocaust makes a good story (what does this say about us?) it features prominently in what I think of as my origins. Jewishness also features, although a lot less prominently--I always feel like an outer fringe of that community. A fair bit of the family that I know are jewish to various degrees and I have been to quite a few Jewish holidays/events (bar mitzvahs, weddings, funerals), but as a son-of-a-son-of-a-son of of secular non-practicing Jews in a tradition that is supposed to go through mothers anyways, my relationship is oddly tenuous, though probably stronger than any other religious identification that I have.

I'm also shit-terrified of Zionism, which adds another layer. I'm not entirely sure why, but I suppose it has to do with disliking nationalism of any type, Jewish nationalism feeling artificial and harmful, all nationalism feeling artificial (being about 200 years old, and maybe its better than rival empires or maybe just a mask for it) and harmful, and not liking friends holding beliefs that I struggle to rationally understand. I think it also has to do with my 'fringe' Jewish cultural identity and a strong Holocaust identification--it's a state created in response to the Holocaust, which I consider important, but one that I don't think my diluted Jewishness has any claim to. People going on their "birthright" scares me because of this, and because of the ideology that they come back with, particularly given that being friends with Muslims and traveling in the Middle East has made me much more sympathetic to Palestine than Israel, though I think I've learned to separate my feelings about states from my feelings about the people in them.

So, I'm glad I've given this a bit of thought.

Talked to Cheolseung rather than going to lectures today, and am still in a very strange and confused mood that is mostly unpleasant. Have some deadlines coming up, so need to get cracking on those. Mostly seeing if giving lethargy a long leash will make it go away. Results pending.

Fundamentally bored and vaguely dissatisfied

Yes, one of those times. Had a decent lecture about trying to understand locals beliefs around a mine in Papua New Guinea and a tutorial trying to understand Kant. I've had a couchsurfer for the last couple days--guy from Colorado on his gap year looking at St Andrews to see if he wants to come. Full of curiosity and worry and enthusiasm and caring-"where should I go to college?" It was a serious question, once. I told him that ultimately where-ever he goes he will rationalise it into the "right choice". He is worried about the cost of coming here. He wants to do psychology and philosophy and is interested in theatre.

It makes me wonder...and doesn't. In a lot of ways, St Andrews is such an anti-intellectual, unacademic place. People are burned out from the rigors of British schools and specialised and interested in career options over pure learning, and I find that I still enjoy and get more out of my blogs and internet searches than classes, even though they are at "my level" at this point. Everyone is looking to the future, everyone is getting drunk in the present. It's like some sort of national sore or scab of safety and properness and pure and utter boredom that the UK tries to cover with a thin salve of drunkenness and violence. There is a feeling of bitterness at the orderliness of first world life. There is so little spontaneous joy. Or maybe that's just me.

Everywhere, I feel a past of other possibilities. In less than 2 months, I will be 20. I have accomplished so much, but by whose standards? Academic learning is getting under my skin and I really want to pick up practical skills, to do manual labour. I am going through all the correct motions but am not really invested or interested in them. There is so much else out there. I learned just a few days ago that the university has a postgraduate museum curator course. How many walks of life are there that I have never even thought about, let alone learned about? No wonder so many people want to be teachers--in some ways, we are exposed to so little, and you can't want what you do not know.

I recognise doing things just to make myself feel good, and it scares me. Maybe its cooking for myself, but I've gotten much better attuned to my body chemistry and the fact that I can change my mood in clunky mechanical ways that aren't tied to anything else or important for anything but changing my mood. Rather than having some grand task or even smaller projects, rather than having a goal, I simply continue while regulating my oscillating moods. This is probably just removing the veil of purpose from my vision and seeing the world as it really is, but it's disheartening. I have so many friends, good marks, projects, accomplishments, plans, etc, etc. Etc. Maybe etc is the problem. (that sentence doesn't really mean anything.)

Give me some advice, older and wiser people. I want something new to look at, a new goal to consider, anything but, "yes, everyone goes through this..." In some ways, that's the most disheartening thing of all, isn't it? Kind of a cruel irony: dissatisfaction with the blase has itself become blase.

Sustainable Development=underwater basket weaving

Just got back from a fieldtrip. What sort of fieldtrip, you ask? The basket weaving kind! No joke. Went to a transition town called Findhorn some 30 minutes away to learn about the many(?) uses of willow--plant it to purify sewage, burn it as biomass, or....weave...baskets. Or, as we did, platters! Little willow plates that look like highly flammable skillets. But it was lovely and sunny, so why am I complaining? If nothing else, it was a good community-building exercise, as it broke the monotony of lectures and actually got people engaging with each other to stave off boredom. So that's fun!

Busy day, actually, started with work (ambassadoring) at 10, fieldtrip at 1, and I'm just eating before heading to a rehearsal for Godspell that I believe is supposed to run until ten. Also have a couchsurfer coming from New York who should be in around that time, so it's non-stop go.

Hecuba went well! By Monday had all tech glitches sorted out. We could have used another day of rehearsal before opening and I wish we hadn't been dealing with crises so that I could have made more of an effort with publicity, but I'm not about to complain about medium-sized audiences for really out-there experimental theatre like this. Got good feedback from those that did see it, though, and we've got a review in the paper coming up, that should be cool.

Alright, I've finished dinner and must run to Godspell. More updates in the works!

The World Post-Tomorrow:

Today I have had:
An essay due in at noon: a reflection on my social audit of Coca-Cola.
Two lectures.
Running two hours of rehearsal for Hecuba.
Cheese on potatoes.
Whipped cream on an apple.
An essay due in at midnight: about Hume, titled "Empiricist Without a Cause"

Tomorrow I have:
Hecuba lights.
Hecuba music.
Hecuba set.
Hecuba costumes.
Hecuba dress-tech.
Hecuba blocking-opening-and-curtain-call.
Hecuba yelling at actors for being late.

And then:
The show opens. Out of my hands. Finished, for me. My next essay isn't until the end of the month. Life sags. Life sighs. Life mixes itself a margarita and takes a beach holiday.
(and figuring this summer, and my degree, and what I want to do extra-ciricular next year, and sorting out credit cards, and tidying up, and doing my reading, and writing more on this blog!)

BBC article about latest St Andrews developments

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7993666.stm

one week off

One to go. It's been a good week? It's been a week. Nothing special, nothing much at all, really. When I get back into the thick of things I know I'll be grateful for it. There's really not much time left at St Andrews--April, May--then home. It's a bizarre feeling. I'm looking forward to getting stuff done, though not necessarily to all the hours of reading I've got for the essays due when I get back. Been watching lots of films ranging from the sublime (Harold and Maude) to dumbfoundingly bad to so-bad-its-good (Mad Max 2!). Reading a tidy bit, going to the gym, going to the dump to get electronic parts for my show...

quiet days

Really haven't been up to much at all. Waking up late, staying up late-ish. Re-watched Kill Bill 1 and a few episodes of Firefly. Read Clockwork, a good (and very, very short) book by Philip Pullman, reading Murakami's Wind-up Bird Chronicles (still...it is very long), started Seven Pillars of Wisdom (by the Lawrence of Lawrence of Arabia), and am trying to make sense of Kant. Uh oh. Ate at a cool thai/japanese place that's not too expensive (by UK standards), and have been drawing a lot, seeing how I can integrate a comic-book/graphic novel style with my surrealist doodles.

Mostly just resting, but without much satisfaction.

Night on the town

I've had the last few days off--really off--and it's been great. Aside from the occasional lecture, I've been productively lounging. Taking the break off may have been the right choice, though I won't say no to a day or two in Glasgow/Stirling in the middle to see Robbie etc.

Went to Dundee (the nearest "big city" to St Andrews) tonight with theatre people to see a friend in a show (The Producers). It was a good production, if amateur, and a good night--went for dinner first and drinks after--more expensive than the average night, but varied the pace a bit.

Academics-wise have been reading up on Kant, who we just started in Modern, though I'm a bit behind on Hume and should give him another look-over as well. Have got an essays, a presentation, and a reflection on an assignment due in when I get back, so should start those. Also have 'Hecuba' on as soon as we get back, so that'll be a busy week. As far as watching that online, we're gonna see if we can use this: http://www.ustream.tv/ . Have been raiding the dump for broken tech stuff and that's been going well. Also thinking about doing cartoon art (of the oh-so-serious 'graphic novel' variety) and how to incorporate pictures into stories and words into moving (essentially cinematic) images, so that's been most of my doodles on notes, if no real serious projects.

Mostly just relaxing, which is necessary.

9000 words in 4 days

Whew.

This is what a full-time job feels like. Audit of Coca-Cola has been interesting enough, but not for the length of this assignment...looking at corporate reports is not the most fascinating thing I've ever done. Would love to spin information myself, but unspinning it in an attempt to get the "real picture" is tedious and not really possible--its all subjective and complicated. The discovery of this was, I suppose, the purpose of the assignment.

Now what?

whew

Exhausting day. Realised that this social audit project is more dissertation length than essay length, so stayed home and wrote 9am until 5pm and wrote circa 2500 words. If I keep up that pace, I'll be fine! Dad you are a lifesaver--that audit is incredible! (though Wikipedia is too :) ). Did some creative writing to keep the mind limber in the meantime, and googled acid reflux.

Indicative of my life though it is, took a break in audit writing to go to my own rehearsal, where we blocked the final scene and another choral ode. This play is really shaping up, really is, by the skin of its teeth. Not enough time! (ever).

Went to Alice's for dinner and tea, now more writing. "Last minute" is perhaps the theme of the semester. Let's hope this one goes as well as the others!

Aaaaaand I'm feeling a bit ill

200th post!

Aside from that, life is going well. Hecuba rehearsals awesome with the addition of the chorus, though Cheolseung has dropped out (directing a show going up on the exact same day in Korea, unfortunately, with no options to move the time), but we're getting a friend of Clare's at UCLA to do it, which should be cool and allow for great mind-fuckery as they'll start on separate screens and eventually he'll invade hers to have a real dialogue.

Academics? Handed a Philosophy essay in last week, which turned out not bad after I decided it was going to be crap and taught me a valuable lesson--simplify! Going in with no agenda, I was able to really just focus on the question without exploring any of my side tangents and wrote a decently compact essay. I have one on Islam in this Friday, where I'll try to convince the Divinity department that Islam isn't really evil and they should give its beliefs a chance rather than just being like, "and they like submitting and think God is wrathful and it's basically just Christianity but with more rules and we don't like all those rules, now do we?" And then the next week the fabulous social audit that I have yet to start and should REALLY get a move on.

Cleaned up the house for an inspection tomorrow. Discovered floor.
Claimed floor in the name of the queen.

Had an art piece (all the post-it notes I doodled on last year stuck together in a sort of brain-like mass hung from a shoe string) at a student art exhibit, which was cool. Been reading about Hume, who makes me want Kant, and Islam, and having very boring but important lectures in Sustainable Development about accounting and law. Pffffft. Girlfriend still going strong, to our mutual surprise. She encourages rule-breaking, which is good; snuck on a bus for an Art History field trip to Edinburgh on Saturday and pissed about the city for the day for free. Scotland-Ireland rubgy was on that day, but every single person I saw was supporting Ireland. Says something about Scottish rugby. Or about Edinburgh really being Scotland.

Starting to think about the Easter holidays, and what I want to do. I've got a week and a half before I have to be back. What do I want to do? Is the dollar strong anywhere in the world?

And I'm feeling good...

Just submitted an essay. Probably the least amount of time I've ever spent on one here, but disturbingly I feel this is an improvement. Didn't go off-topic, didn't feel the need to contribute anything new and interesting and half-formed (well, maybe in a couple footnotes...), just regurgitated the arguments and slapped on a conclusion. But I have to say it's one of the most focused essays I've ever written, and I think I narrowed down the topic sufficiently since I didn't get my laptop back in time to do any extensive research. Now on to write the one for next week...

As procrastination, finished an art project to be displayed as part of the V-Day campaign (the campaign is a big violence against women thing), which is cool...it's good to be doing visual stuff again, I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it. Basically took a whole bunch of post-it notes I'd doodled on last year and made a...thing. Taped them all together so they look like a sort of deformed ship and hung them by a shoelace. 3D ART! It's kinda fun, and that gets displayed this Sunday. Been working on Hecuba and Godspell a whole huggy bunch, and really should kick my ass back into writing now that I've got the laptop back.

We've had some good lectures in Sustainable Development on marketing and accounting, which manage to be interesting from this perspective because they're very "protect yourself from Satan!", and are moving on from Leibniz and Descartes to Hume in Philosophy, who I think I'll appreciate a lot more. World Religions has degraded into us watching videos of dumb UK muslims on the Hajj, which is great and informative and completely misses the point. I suppose it's inevitable that we focus on rituals and traditions, but spending 2 full days on the trivialities of a make-it-if-you-can pilgrimage (Saudi Arabia is hot? Busses are crowded? You have to sleep in tents? I'm learning so much about religion!) when you've got 5-a-day prayer and loads of current controversy over whether Islam makes people blow themselves up or not seems really silly.

Not sure where the time goes.

and life goes on

sample of today (sans caps):

woke up. went back to bed. woke up. bed. woke up.

round midday now. went to the byre youth theatre group to say i needed two kids for hecuba. very nice people, took my information. went to pm's and got a burger and chips. ate.

godspell rehearsal for 3 hours, dancing. hecuba rehearsal for an hour, monologues, much easier to work than they have been. tomorrow is a putting it together day.

back to the flat for dinner and working on the essay that's due tuesday. then to a party. then home.

Lappy's Back!

Got my laptop back last night, and it's good to have it--just in time! First assignments are due in next week.

So, blog posts should hopefully start getting more frequent.

Jesus

Busy life. So, where did we leave off last time?

Classes: Introduction to World Religions (with a prof from Chile!), Modern Philosophy (load of Cartesian bleh so far), and SD: Social and Economic Aspects (some decent stuff and more of the same--have to do a social audit of a company that at least operates in the UK--any suggestions?).

Plays: Auditioned and cast the_trojan_queen, a take on Euripedes' Hecuba I'm directing going up in April. Last night (!) finished Titus Andronicus (played the Roman emperor Saturninus, as an overgrown kid) which was good to finish up, as we've been in rehearsals all semester. Week before that finished 4.48 Psychosis, which I co-directed and rehearsed in the two weeks after exams. Have been cast in and had a few rehearsals for Godspell--get some singing in, and it's with good people.

Had my (American) debit card stolen and used to buy loads of stuff, so cancelled that and getting money back. Had taken money out shortly before it was stolen and only ran out yesterday, which was when I discovered my (Scottish) bank card, which I haven't used in a while, is inactive. Bank closes early on Saturday--closed on Sunday--so I've got to go in and give myself purchasing power this Monday. Laptop also conveniently broke down (same bloody screen issue) so that's got to go into Glasgow at some point...A pain because everything I need to read is online so I can't be bothered buying books--need to just print stuff out.

On the upside, sort of stumbled my way into a relationship, so that's fun. Also have been a bit involved in the occupation of one of the old Uni buildings to demand that the university make some concessions around Gaza, mainly (for me) stopping buying water from a subsidiary of a company that takes water from the Golan Heights, and accepting research money (and direction) from arms manufacturers. Nice way to meet hippies, some cool people.

Have been watching nothing, listening to nothing, and reading very little. Life should be a lot freer now Titus is done, so hopefully I'll be living more like a real person instead of shunting back and forth between my aforementioned activities and woes.

Results back

Nothing much to report (or interest in doing so, these weeks--when the semester starts I'll actually have a lot more free time and interact with a lot less people [funny thing that], and so blog more). Did, however, get my exam results back. Both 15s, which is dead in the middle of the 2:1 range, as I expected. Without bombing or miraculous acing that's where my coursework put me. It's a funny relationship to work I have at the moment. For quite a while there in High School there was college looming overhead (and parents!), and first year quite a drive to prove myself. However, this year, exploring other areas and with the knowledge that my work only starts counting toward my degree -next- year (and of course lack of parental hovering!), I find that my relationship has changed. It's still stuff that I really enjoy doing, that I'll do extra reading for and try to make connections with through everything, but while the material is more enjoyable than last year, I feel completely relaxed (not necessarily in a good way) about assessment. I know I need to start kicking into gear, as the years of course scale up in difficulty nice and quickly.

As for next semester, still not sure if I want to take the English drama class or the Divinity world religions, though I'm leaning toward religions, if only to have some non-theatre life.

I swear the blog isn't defunct!

I've just been exhausted. Haven't done anything non-drama for the last week--6 hour rehearsals per day for Psychosis (which stretches out to 7 or 8 hours counting the time Harry and I spend planning the next day and talking about the structure of the show), so that's a full-time job, and then on top of it meeting every other day or so with Clare for 2-3 hours to work on Hecuba (from here on referred to as the_trojan_queen, since no one will know 'Hecuba'). It's a really good time, actually, very productive and artistic, though I am not reading nearly as much as I would like, damn internet.

Not too much else to report. Psychosis is going quite well, we're already over 1/2 blocked and have a bit more than a week left before we go up (which normally sounds terrifying but the rehearsal time for this is only 2 weeks and a bit). It's a really interesting project, lots of new stuff for me: working with a co-director, short rehearsal time, a play-length poem with no parts divided or stage directions, a complete faithfulness to the text. I feel a lot less ownership and authorship than I'm used to, more like a manager than an artist, but that's not bad, and partly just means that the cast have come up with quite a bit of the show themselves--though that's always the case. I am excited about the idea of challenging myself in theatre. It merges intellectual, social, emotional, and physical stimulation in a way that I don't know anything else does.

Because it's break things are really slow around here, thought they should be picking up as people start coming back. I know if it wasn't for Psychosis I'd have gone insane with boredom a while ago.

Officially finished sorting out my life

And I am left with:

1. A place to live! Next year moving in with a girl and her brother from up near Loch Ness in a beautiful and absurdly affordable flat (landlords had a kid go here and were horrified at the increasing-by-£5/month-every-year prices). Spoke to the sister (Louise) two days ago, and played a game of pool and chatted with her brother Archie today. Both cool, fourth years next year, a psychologist and neurologist.

2. An artist-in-residence for my production company, who will be costume/set/poster designer for Hecuba and puppet maker for Nightmare Before Christmas next year! Harry (my co-director in Psychosis) has this brilliant idea of attaching people to a production company rather than a specific show, and of having an artist-in-residence who can consult and implement on all things arty, so he is 100% responsible for the idea. Talked about doing Hecula almost cyberpunk, with lots of wires and circuitry on costumes. Also an interesting thought of playing with language--Ancient Greek, binary, html (Korean? Hmm not sure how it fits...). So.

3. Actors for Hecuba--aka finally had a serious chat with Clare and talked more with Cheolseung about the show and they are both in, so that's good.

4. A producer, one of my 1984 freshers, who I think will be brilliant. Meeting with him tomorrow.

5. Saw various people before they left for home/travels. Lots of coffee/tea.

I think that's a decent list.

More things I am grateful for: a 1:1.373 pound-to-dollar conversion rate

Looked at some old posts and in one of them from the beginning of the year I was excited about it being 1:1.83. Hah!

Talked to Clare in LA on iChat today and am really excited that I think the online show (Hecuba) will get off the ground. Talking to a girl who I'm hoping to rope in to be the company artist (costumer for Hecuba?) tomorrow and our producer on Sunday. Planned out the first couple days of Psychosis with Harry yesterday, as well as "interviewed" for a flat (had a chat with the girl who is there and planning to stay). Awesome place, very cheap--talking to her brother tomorrow, who is also living there next year, and am hopeful. Also played an awesome (in that it was 6 hours long) game of Lord of the Rings Risk yesterday, and won! So that's my accomplishment of the week. Have started a game of chess downstairs with Sammy where we leave the chessboard out and make a move whenever we pass.

Have decided I really must start reading. Fallout 3 is great, but that's no excuse.

This I am grateful for: 55p greek yoghurt at Tesco

The quiet days

Intellectually, at least. Have been out with friends/at parties/social almost every night, with days spent watching films and playing Fallout 3, as predicted. Have begun to look at the Hecuba script, and still need to re-read Psychosis and memorize my lines for Titus (again, *not* doing theatre here). Have a stack of books including Day of the Triffids, The Windup Bird Chronicles, T.E. Lawrence's memoir, and a sociology of violence. Stack of films, most notably including the including the original Godzilla. Also, today in perhaps an hour or so I'll head over to a friends for what I suspect will be a rest-of-the-day-long game of Lord of the Rings Risk. Intersemester break is hardcore nerd time.

Been consuming a lot more than thinking, but have been thinking a bit about narrative and the difference between "good" and "engaging", if there is one. There is a wall between pop culture and "art" in my mind, but I'm not sure whether I really believe that it belongs there. The film I've enjoyed the most lately was Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror, a loving sendup of bad zombie films, featuring fake scratches and a missing reel, bad dialogue, unsubtle foreshadowing, a stripper with a machine gun/grenade launcher for a leg and helicopter decapitation of zombies. And done with such knowledge of its own ridiculousness that it was just thoroughly liberating and enjoyable.

Exams: Over

Didn't go badly...better than I expected, to be honest, as questions succeeded in being vague and manipulate-able. Unless I've done really poorly or exceptionally well I'll have a 2:1 in both subjects (as I'm on the mid-upper end-but not on the borderline-of both from continuous assessment). I realize I get a bit silly with exams: in philosophy I talked about sceptics going around walking into walls (because they'd doubt they were there) and the SD question about climate managed to look like an instruction manual with the number of little diagrams I'd drawn, complete with before and after shots (what can I say, I had a full hour per question).

And now? Drinking and Fallout 3 in the short term. And starting to organize shows this year, co-directing Psychosis in the break, e-mailing professors and seeing if I can do a joint honours. Let the scheming commence!

Markets in everything

Link stolen directly from MarginalRevolution, but left me speechless (and blog-ful).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/7818140.stm

I watched an episode of Pushing Daisies last night that featured a company whose product was "friends for hire", and thought "well isn't that just cute and quirky". Turns out, it's also true! The article is about the many things you can rent hourly in Japan, including pets and fathers. It makes a lot of sense in a very creepy way...it makes me imagine a dystopian future where specialization has gone so far that everyone has a single niche role that they fulfill and nothing else, so that "programmer" and "husband" are incompatible. How does this interact with suffragist movements and the current obsession with user-generated content? Are specialization and universalism (or whatever term you want to use) incompatible? How can the future accommodate both?

Smooth travel

William, lying in my comfortable chair watching Kite Runner (recommended, though main guy as an adult is terrible) and eating warm nuts in your leather jacket, I realize that I am simply an extension of you, like some sort of detachable appendage. :)

The trip home was incredibly smooth and problem free, though the bus I got on for St Andrews decided to take the scenic night tour of what I swear must be ALL of Fife, every small town bus stop, for three hours before finally getting here. But no matter. Have seen Jim and Sammy but nobody else so far...still, it's good to be back. Feels like I just picked up where I left off--studying decently and thinking more about drama this semester. I've really got a lot going on, and I want to start really focusing on academics, as next year starts counting. It's cold but not awful, and I feel good, like I've hit the ground running.

This winter break was interesting, very range-y in scope. I feel like the two recurring themes were friendship--how it changes, what it requires, and the importance of loyalty--and teaching, as I'm far enough from High School that I think I'm really listening when my old teachers talk! Education is fascinating, and while I'm still not that keen on teaching, it's really got me thinking about the fundamentals of how schools are organized, from subject areas to periods for classes. For me, elementary school had a single teacher for everything, Chile had different teachers for subjects but kept classes of kids together, middle school had block scheduling with 2 hour periods of each class every other day, and high school had an hour of each each day. Thinking about it, I'm intrigued by the Chilean concept--though it made it very difficult to integrate as an outsider, I'm sure it prevented what I felt in High School and especially here: that I don't know many of the people in my classes outside of that context, so that each class is a very solitary experience. Though from my visit to UCI it seems that the core classes at US institutions can help solve this issue, leading me to think that the "breadth" classes at universities are more for social than academic growth.

Have also talked with quite a few people about our experiences in college, as we have been here long enough to have real opinions (maybe). There was a common feeling of disappointment, oddly. As if there had been this huge buildup from High School and our parents' experiences, and the actualization was not bad, just...less. People were less engaged than we thought they'd be, academics were more rigorous but at the same time more distant (for larger institutions), social interaction by-and-large good but overshadowed by the Academy, and overall opportunities not as abundant or important as we thought they'd be. Will we revise history as we get older to see this as the best time of our lives, or are we really having a different experience than our parents?

Also, a UK/US thought differential: in the US, university students are seen as having it together, hard-working, intellectually engaged, and maybe a bit dirty or party-ish. In the UK (and probably especially St Andrews), "students" is almost a derogatory term, as they are seen as having too much time on their hands and generally interacting with locals in a drunken and destructive way. I suspect the reasons for this are an earlier drinking age coupled with the fact that most people here have gone to university, so it is not looked at as a elite class indicator but rather as a shared experience that most people have gone through (so that students see it more as a right than a privilege (being free or heavily subsidized helps) and it attracts more types of people).